Life has been so hard on me. Or is it only me?

Have been so hectic and tired of school recently. I can't seem to find any motivation in school. First and utmost, I guess it's because I am feeling so lonely. I don't feel any sense of belongingness in the class. Nowadays, when the night starts to fall in and I am all alone, I feel so sad and depressed. I can't wait to go back home and spend times with my family. There are times when I just feel like giving up on everything here and head back to live a standardized life. I might be happier that way. Well, now it sounds that I am damn emotional. Secondly, I have low expectancy and instrumentality in one particular module. It's like no matter how hard I try to do well, I will still score a B. So far for 8 problems, I scored 3 A's, and all those A's achieved is because RJ is not graded. Some people don't even bother to participate in class, and some of their presentations are just similar to ours but they still got an A from the lecturer, while I get a B or a C. So yeah, I don't see any fairness in grading and I don't know what the hell is the lecturer expecting from me. Lastly, most of the lecturer this semester really does not know how to teach. They were like blabbering all those things that does not even make sense to themselves, and it really takes a hard time for me to understand what they are trying to convey. Thus, most of the time, it is just me who needs to revise on my own, and get the grasp of the lesson. Deeply inside, I can't wait for this semester to end. I really hope that in the upcoming semester, everything will be much better. Let's believe that there is always sunshine after a storm.
On the other hand, UT1 is finally over. I am not sure if I did well for the UTs. We went through for the answers of 3 modules, and I only get 1 A so far. We were left with 2 modules that have not been went through yet, but well I don't have high expectations for the other 1 module anyway.

Holiday is approaching soon. I will have my holiday from the 20th of December until 4th of January. I am so excited because I finally get a break from the tortures of school. I get even more excited at the thought of going back to Batam this coming Friday. Finally, I get to enjoy my time with my family, and most importantly, I get to eat mom's cooked food! I can't wait for this week to end asap. Aside from that, I had just sent out an e-mail to my IG President, saying that I am quitting the IG. This means that I don't need to join the camp on 22nd and 23rd of December which is the start of my holiday. This also means that I get to stay at Batam for a longer period of time before I come back to Singapore. I am so happy at the thought of it. Cliche but true, home is still the best place to be at. That's all for now. Hopefully, I'll be back with cheerful mood and happy posts!

(29/11/2014)

It was raining heavily that day when I had work, and I went to grab some food before leaving to my workplace. I sat by the place where I was eating and looked at the rain, waiting for it to subside so that I could walk to the bus stop. The hand of the clock keeps on ticking, soon the rain subsided. So, I decided to walk to bus stop at that moment. As I was walking through the small route that brings me to the bus stop, I feel really peaceful. The smooth breeze after the rain blows towards my face, and the vibe was just right. How I wish the time could stop at that moment, and let me have some time to embrace and enjoy our mother nature. Not long after, I boarded on the bus and reached the MRT station. I took the train to another part of the city. Along the journey, I was not seated, I am just standing with my earpiece plugged in my ears. The rain just got harder and harder as I passed one and another station along my way. And I somehow realized, I have a great affection towards rain. Whenever it rains, I will get all excited to be drowned in my melancholy mood. But oddly, instead of feeling sad or depressed, I felt happy and peaceful. I guess it's just me and my weird personality.

4/12/2014

Had my Financial Accounting UT today, it was quite manageable for me. The only downside is that the paper was quite confusing and made a lot of people to be unable to do it well. I guess the reason is because we were not familiarized enough to do accounting on a computer, hence leading to confusion to most of the people. I will be having another UT tomorrow for my Project Management and Scheduling module. And, I dread it so much. I really don't dare to even imagine what will happen tomorrow. Throughout my journey in poly, this is one of the module that I really had no understanding towards it. I don't know what I have been doing for the past 7 weeks for this module. I am having so much doubts now, whether events is really the right path for me. I really regretted that I didn't appeal back then to get into my first choice. Even though, it seems to be futile to appeal as I am an international student which have lower chance or even not applicable to appeal, but still I should had taken a shot. Well, the past is the past, no point to regret and fret over it now. I just hope that it will get better over the time and let me regain my motivation and confidence to finish this academic journey. I can't take the risk to play with my poly life, it is like life and death situation to me. I can't just let my parent's expectations and efforts to go down in vain. May the paper be on our favor tomorrow, please. Gonna hit the sack now. Good night and Good Luck!